


all i want

by joydecoy



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst?, Drabble, It's so short im so sorry, M/M, Post-breakup, Unrequited Love, basically me being emo after listening to sad love songs, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 09:17:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12032856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joydecoy/pseuds/joydecoy
Summary: nowadays, jisoo is all he thinks about.





	all i want

**Author's Note:**

> hey i got emo over the impossibility and all-encompassing vastness of love so here have this (hope u enjoy it!!)

nowadays, jisoo is all he thinks about. sometimes, it’s all that he can think about. it’s a sudden constriction in his chest that overcomes him whenever and wherever, a fist squeezing around his heart that leaves him gasping for air. it comes in ocean waves that threaten to pull him under, but all he can think about is drowning in the blue blue water.

 

it’s been two whole years without him, 730 days, 17520 hours, 1051200 minutes. two entire years of leaving and learning and wanting and yearning. it’s been too long. he should be over this by now. but hey, here he is again, stuck in a forever dream.

 

seungcheol’s standing in front of jisoo’s apartment, still dressed in rumpled office clothes. he had gone well over the speed limit just to get here, tires screeching to a halt as he pulled into the driveway, scrambling to the elevator and practically running just to reach the closed door. there’s an air of finality hanging heavy in the air, but he doesn’t care, can't bring himself to care. there’s no need to be here, nothing except his own selfishness whispering to him. he knows this is poisonous for him, but he can’t think about that, not now, not ever.

 

clutching a bouquet of roses in one hand, he raises his other hand to check the time on his watch, tapping his foot impatitently as the second hand ticked away. it’s five minutes until he can leave, five minutes that decided everything.

 

you see, at exactly 6pm, on this particular second Friday of August, was when he fell in love. it was like a dream, the edges of his memories worn away softly. where seungcheol was inside this very apartment, lounging on the sofa and laughing as jisoo tried to toss popcorn into the air and into his mouth. With nothing but the dim light of the television, he looked ethereal. when he turned to look at seungcheol, eyes bright and smile blinding, something clicked. something slid into place, like the last piece in a puzzle. like, _oh. here you are. here is the rest of my life. you’ve been here the whole time. hello._ it felt like everything yet nothing had changed. it felt like coming home.

 

and here seungcheol is, two years after everything had ended, with some tiny piece of his heart hoping that this could still work, like he could reinvent that night and they would fall in love again and love each other so much that the world was ashamed to stop them a second time.

 

it’s 6pm again, like last year.

the orchestra builds up to a crescendo, deafening. there's a loud rushing in his ears, a stabbing pain in his heart that pleads for something, anything--

\-- but nothing happens.

 

he lets out a sigh, heart throbbing in pain. the magic, the suspense of the moment, all gone. all that’s left is the reality of what he’s doing to himself, the sudden clarity of the long hallway and the sunset that blankets everything in a gorgeous golden glow. it’s almost heartbreaking. what was the point, anyway? there’s nothing left. no more pieces to pick up when they’ve all been swept away. he gingerly places the bouquet on the floor, and sets down the long hallway to the elevator, feet dragging behind him.

 

he knows that nothing will ever change, but he knows that he’s coming back again next year, and the year after that, and all the years that will come and pass.

**Author's Note:**

> (in my defence exams are in like 3 week, im stress-writing this, and i wrote this in like under an hour while sleep-deprived and nostalgic) (did anyone catch that kodaline song ref in the title bc that song fits this really well)  
> thank u so much for reading!! u get a gold star and all my love  
> pls leave kudos and comments if u want to, it really makes my day!  
> hmu on tumblr @joydecoy


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